22 Months and a Reflection

Since having Ava, I didn't realize how my meaning and view of time has dramatically changed.  As adults, we hit a certain point in our life where time can really only be measured by the calendar and clock.  I was just there less than two years ago.  My watch dictated where and when I did things and everything seemed to have a "feel" to it- Sundays were lazy and restless, Mondays were quick and stressful, Thursdays were quiet, Fridays were loud and exciting, and Saturdays were either blustery and fun running errands and hanging out with friends or slow and quiet reading a book on a rainy afternoon.  And that was it.  That was the "feel" of my life up til Ava.  I don't know whether to be embarrassed or proud that I could sum up my days/weeks/life in a few short words, depending on the day of the week. We were the kind of people that 'Lived to Eat'.

And having a baby kinda changes things, y'know.  Just a smidge.

Now, we're the kind of people that 'Eat to Live', if you know what I mean.  And amazingly, the singular thing that changed our mindset from A to B was the simple act of changing our perception of time, via Ava the time keeper. 

Before Ava the-time-keeper as our point of reference, you could say that Kent and I were in a vacuum of sorts.  Post Ava, our life has been accurately and sometimes terrifyingly measurable.  When we ask our friends without children how the past couple months have been, it's as if time stood still and each day/weekend was just as the last.  And this, by any means, is not a bad thing.  That, in a way, is the fountain of youth; the mindset that time doesn't move and that we're this way forever.  Children, Ava, is the ultimate reminder that time doesn't stand still and that we're aging, but also how much we're aging.  Mind blowing, right?

One day can be the difference of a lump of flesh screaming and pooping to a lump of flesh screaming, pooping, and smiling.  A week can be the measurable difference of a baby crawling to a walking toddler.  A month can be a frustrated toddler crying and whining to a happy toddler talking and singing.  It's just absolutely amazing.  And scary too, since my past reference to time was a look in the mirror here and there where I might notice a white hair that wasn't there the last time.  Yikes.

And though it took me two years, post Ava, to realize this simple concept, it has changed me to the core.  I don't want today to be like yesterday, the day before, or like tomorrow.  Friends and family notice change from visit to visit by hairdo or weight, but that's not enough, I want more. 

I want to be like Ava and have measurable differences, albeit small and perceptible to maybe just me, that show that I have grown, expanded, and lived.  I don't have a job where my title can reflect the time spent in the office, but I have Ava and Kent and all those seconds and minutes in between where time can stand still for a moment and I can be the best mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, and Liane I can be.  If life is about learning to sift through the noise to get to the message, then I'm the luckiest person in the world because I have the best teacher and partner to experience this one life with. 

Thank you my precious little Ava Mo, you have so much more to accomplish and do in this lifetime but have already taught me so much.  And Kent, my best friend, my everything.  I wouldn't be where I am today without you. I love you both so very, very much.