What the Eff...

I’ve been staring at my feet for the past 10 minutes in disbelief, as I cannot comprehend that the appendage I am looking at actually belongs to me.

Let me begin by stating that I AM NOT a foot person and quite frankly, have always had relatively FUGLY feet to begin with. My toes are short, my feet are wide, my nails are almost never painted, and the pinky toe…well, let’s just not even go there. That’s just a disaster I wouldn’t even know how to categorize. That said, I thought I’d give everyone a nice scare today with photos of my nasty, fat, swollen, extra fugly feet (viewer discretion advised):

This is THE first time in my life that I can honestly say that I've experienced anything close to having 'cankles'....and it scares the living daylights out of me! Considering it’s February and pretty cold up here in Oregon, I can’t even begin to imagine the aches and pains pregnant women in the summer feel. Heat makes swelling worse, and with the weather fairing in the 50’s right now, I know I shouldn’t complain but rather give a BIG THANKS to the pregnancy Gods.

According to Google, the best thing to help remedy swollen feet are to elevate them, rub them, or wear compression socks. Well Google, it looks like I’m screwed since I don’t have the flexibility right now to elevate my feet or even remotely reach my feet to rub the poor things. And compression socks…what the hell?! If I can’t rub them, I sure as hell can’t put no socks on …I can’t even reach past my knees at this point! I’m just a giant butterball weeble that’s surviving day to day on hopes that I’ll be in the small 2 percent of women who go into labor early.

Conclusion: I’m screwed and will have to endure having Jimmy Dean sausage toes and puffy feet for the next 3 weeks. AWESOME.