A Birth Story and Then Some

We went in for my 39th week check-up on a Monday afternoon to see how I was doing.
I was 3 centimeters dilated and had unexpected high blood pressure.
They were worried that I had pre-eclampsia and admitted me to labor and delivery to monitor my blood pressure.
This was on February 23, 2009 at 2pm.

After three hours of monitoring my blood pressure, the doctor decided it would be best to induce labor.
I was already far along enough in the pregnancy that going home with possible pre-eclampsia could have given me seizures and permanent kidney damage.
We didn’t want to take a chance, so we agreed to the induction and off we went to the “real” labor and delivery room.
I called my co-worker, Linda, for a quick pep talk since she had given birth just a few months before.
I knew she had an induction, so when she told me her experience and that of her friends, I felt more at ease;
If other women could do it, then by God, so could I!

Because I was to be induced, they let Kent go home first to get our bags and take the pets out.
In the meanwhile, I got to have my “last meal” through the hospital catering service.
I ordered an egg salad sandwich, grape juice, chicken noodle soup, and a bread roll.
This was at 7pm, and because the hospital staff messed up my order, I didn’t get everything until 10pm.
Kent had already returned and bless his heart, went to a café nearby to get me pretzels and a yogurt to hold me over.
I was so nervous and worried that I only ate half the sandwich and a handful of pretzels.
To make me feel more comfortable, Kent turned on the Food Network and Travel Channel;
It’s what we regularly watch at home and strangely made me less anxious and much calmer.
It was something familiar during a crazy, unpredictable day.

At 10:30, the nurse put in my IV and started me on Pitocin to start my contractions.
I was scared because I read that Pitocin would bring on painful contractions at a quicker rate.
I started to feel slightly uncomfortable at midnight, but was able to drift in and out of sleep until 4am
When I heard a ‘pop’ and knew that my water broke.
From then on, the contractions were strong, painful, and regular.
They came every 2 minutes and lasted for a minute and a half;
Normal contractions come every 5 minutes and last only 1 minute.
I breathed through each contraction and kept my calm, dozing in and out of “consciousness” by watching VH1 music videos.
I specifically remember watching Britney Spear’s ‘Circus’ video for the first time.
From then on, I used the music videos as a way to time my contractions.
The nurse told me at one point that she was going to Britney’s concert in June.
She looked very young, and by telling me that, it made me feel somehow “normal”.
Like I wasn’t in labor, in a hospital, ready to have a baby.

With the contractions getting stronger by the minute, I remember having to time going to the bathroom between contractions.
It felt better when I was able to sit on the toilet and breathe through the contractions.
Which I did often, because I could either sit on the toilet or lay in the hospital bed;
Because of the Pitocin and IV drip, they gave me another drug – Magnesium Sulfate – which made me somewhat bedridden.
I wasn’t able to do any of things I planned to ease labor, like taking a warm shower, bouncing on a ball, going in the Jacuzzi, or walking the halls.
It was either the bed or the excuse that I had to use the bathroom to sit on the toilet to ease the pain.

On the morning of the 24th at 10am and after 6 hours of labor, I was only five centimeters dilated – halfway.
After learning that it could potentially take one hour to dilate a centimeter, I gave in and asked for an epidural.
There was no way I could go through another 5 hours (minimally) of labor, double time because of the pitocin.
The doctor that was to administer the epidural kept coming and going, saying that there were other procedures in the hospital that were a higher priority than me.
I thought I was going to lose my mind from the pain and sheer exhaustion.
Finally, my wonderful nurses convinced another anesthesiologist to give me the epidural before I turned into a crazy woman. This was at 11am.
I had to carefully lean forward, be very still (between contractions), and let them poke me in the spine.
I remember feeling a shock go down my right leg and had a moment of fear that I was permanently paralyzed.
I wasn’t, and thankfully the drug kicked in within minutes and I was pain-free and comfortable.
I just felt pressure during the contractions and could still clumsily move my legs with some effort.
With the pain gone, I took a much needed nap to get ready for the delivery.

Within an hour an a half, the nurses woke me up to check how far I was dilated – I was at 10 cm.
Time to push.
I had Kent put in my “labor” CD that had calming music, including my ‘Last of the Mohicans’ war song.
I pushed for an hour and half, short for labor standards, and baby Ava arrived in the world at 2:15pm.
Exactly 24 hours - to the minute - from my 39th week pregnancy appointment from the previous day.

She was quiet, alert, and just so darn cute!
She weighed in at 7 lbs 8 oz and was a whopping 21 inches long.
They laid her immediately on my chest and let her sleep on me for the next hour.
I was exhausted, in disbelief, and most of all content.
Kent and I finally had Ava and the start to our family.

After they cleaned Ava off and gave her a quick bath, they wheeled me to my recovery room.
It was really small and odd shaped with hardly any room to move.
My Dad and sister went to get sushi for us for dinner, as I hadn’t been able to eat it for 10 months.
I know, sushi after birth does not sound appetizing, but believe me, it was the tastiest meal I had in a long time.
Lori brought us Nutter Butter and Kit Kats, which was also another welcomed treat.
Unfortunately, because of the magnesium sulfate, I wasn’t able to drink more than 2 cups of water per 24 hours.
It was dreadful and I was thirsty, so I had to suck on ice chips to make my liquid intake stretch out longer.
It was actually one of the more painful parts of the whole labor and delivery – not being able to drink anything.
The magnesium also made me feel like I had the most awful flu, so I felt even more dilapidated.
My throat was dry, I was constantly fatigued and sleepy, and I just plain felt “sick”.

Another unexpected issue I endured through deliver was a fractured tailbone.
This was THE most painful thing EVER.
I couldn’t sit. I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t do anything.
I felt the most helpless in my life and cried because of my new incompetence.
I needed help to sit up, to move, to go to the bathroom, and to just “be”.
This proved to be the worst thing of all – from the induction, pitocin, thirst, and even magnesium sulfate.
But, each time they brought Ava into the room to have her nurse, I felt a surge of warmth that made it all worthwhile.
I felt an immediate connection with her and swear that she smiled at me within her first 24 hours of life.

With two LONG days in the hospital down, we left on a Thursday afternoon at 2pm to head home with baby Ava.
The going home outfit I had brought for Ava was a joke since it was much too big for her.
She looked so small and fragile and I felt real fear for the first time leaving with her into the big, wide world.
We packed her in her car seat and we were wheeled out to head home for the first time.

Going home was surreal as everything I had left days before left unchanged; like our life stood still for a moment.
With Ava home, it was as if the pause button has been released and we were to resume our life like it had always been.
She slept awhile and Kent carried her close to him in a carrier.
With the wonderful help of my dad, we ate dinner in the upstairs loft – cozy and quiet.
I remember crying during dinner and feeling a million emotions run through me all at the same time-
Scared, happy, tired, overwhelmed, inadequate.
Scared that our lives had just turned upside down and would never be the same.
Happy that Ava was finally here and our family was complete.
Tired from EVERYTHING.
Overwhelmed from being in pain, tired, and not knowing what to do with a newborn.
And most of all inadequate, because I couldn’t take care of Ava the way I hoped to because of my back pain and all the drugs I was taking.

That first night was also the hardest.
Ava cried and cried all night long, and I cried with her.
Kent was a sweetheart and did EVERYTHING to try and soothe and calm her.
Nothing worked and somehow, with no sleep and no energy, we made it to morning.
By a miracle, in the morning Kent got Ava to sleep in his carrier for just an hour before our appointment with the pediatrician and post partum/lactation clinic.

Before the appointment, I remember calling a local doula to inquire about the rates of an at-home nurse.
She asked how I was doing and I broke down crying to a complete stranger.
She told me the first night was the hardest (she was right) and that it would only get easier (right again).
She said to see what the pediatrician and lactation consultant would say and then call her back.

At the pediatrician appointment, we found that Ava had already lost a pound of weight since birth.
Not good.
Then, at the post partum/lactation consulting, we found that my milk had not come in and that Ava was starving.
Definitely not good.
The nurse immediately gave Ava some formula and she stopped crying and just looked so content and happy.
Like the angel we knew she was.
She cried the night before because she was starving and the thought of that just broke my heart.
I again felt inadequate, as I was not able to provide the basic thing for my baby girl.

With enough advice and instruction, we went home armed with an intention to formula feed until my milk came in.
It did the next day, with a vengeance.
I was engorged.
Forget the pain of my back, THIS was painful.
After many, many hurdles with breastfeeding (no milk, nipple confusion, a breast shield, weaning, too much milk…!).
It’s a delicate dance that we have yet to master and I’m glad my partner, my beautiful baby Ava, is the person to share this experience with.
Ava and I have seemed to found a rhythm and WE are THRIVING.
She is back to her birth weight and beyond, happy, content, and most of all loved.
More to come as our story continues…